letting go and moving on more so everyday...

with each day it gets easier to not allow my ex to haunt my thoughts... as long as i do not think about his threats - then i worry... but when this happens i remind myself that we have too many people in our lives that (take) care (of us) to ruin my life with worry. and with this thought process i realize i am finally truly moving on... atleast in that regard... i am still working on forgiving the both of us for all of the hurt i went through (and still feel). b-u-t as with any heart break with time we heal and with work we can let go and live the lives waiting for us :o)
my son was with his father this weekend and i think the pick up yesterday was the most communicative and friendly meeting we have had since... well we will just say it has been a while ;o)
another moving on point for me. another baby step.
today i have to take a parenting class for our 'parenting case' with the family court system - we joked a bit as he didnt think i would have to take it and thinks it is a waste as much as i do, but it is mandatory with the courts. rather then dwelling on the fact we couldve avoided it had he just worked with me to begin with, i focused on the fact we were actually talking - almost like friends. why ruin this development, this growth in my sons father and i's 'relationship' by bringing up something from the past that at this point cannot be changed? i decided there was/is no point, it would only undermine any progress we and/or i have made - so here we are and i am happy :o)
before picking my son up i enjoyed the weekend with my friends in steamboat springs - i do this whenever possible (when my kiddo is with his dad - paternal fam lives just northwest of steamboat).
my friends and i went out and danced, i got to do some coooking 'therapy', we relaxed and enjoyed some time at the old town hot springs, and i got to practice and learn more about mindfulness, patience, and compassion.
my dear friends marriage is ending. the husband, who has been like a big brother to me since i was approximately 18, is going through what i have been with my break up. he is heart broken, dissapointed, lost, depressed, and going through 'the shame & blame game'. because i love and care about him so much it is a struggle for me to control my emotions when trying to be 'a friend' during this 'process'... i think because i see a lot of my old self in him and wish i could just 'whip him into shape', even though i know it is never that easy - also because all the things he needs to do for himself now are 'things' i and his friends/loved ones have been telling him to do for years. sooo i must practice what i have learned and am learning (in regards to acknowledgment & acceptance, being mindful, empathetic, etc), so as that i can be the friend he needs during this time of heart break and healing. i need to be able to be a courageous, compassionate friend to him, not a 'know-it-all-in-your-face' friend :oP lol but for real
on the other side of the marriage i am 'tested' with his wife when it comes to her and medical needs - like the husband, she has many 'reasons' to not do what should/needs to be done. here again i need to practice being a compasionate and courageous friend - going in to self protect mode and attacking, advising, etc is not effective - trying to share stories and let her/him know i can relate, they are not alone, and/or if they ask for help i will do what i can - this is effective and compassionate... need to stop offering my 2 cents when it is not asked for. many people do not like being told what they should/need to be doing... atleast not until they ask. trying to remember how self would feel in same situation is helpful ;o)
last scenario is when i put the family together; the same lesson must be learned - i cannot put my opinion in when it comes to their child. i dont like being told what i am doing wrong with my child, other people do not like it either. acknowledge and accept the crap out of 'it' (unless child is in harms way), and do not offer my advice unless asked for it - only hurting friend(ship) by doing so.
truly feel this another example of a 'let go' situation. it is 'hard' when it is people you are around a lot, love, and you can see why things are happening, but it still is not your place to say anything unless asked. i truly need to remember this.
let go and love wholeheartedly...
funny enough, our move is another example of learning to let go.
as i move things in AND out, clean, etc, and then send emails letting the owners know what is going on and their responses - well let me just say i am doing a lot of acknowledgement & acceptance practices ;o)
at the same time this is such an exciting time for us it makes it a lot easier to accept all the crap that we are going through to be able to be in our new place full time - we tend to be more willing to put in the work for things we truly want ;o)
so what have we learned via this entry?
letting go and moving on takes work but is so very worth it if you want to find happiness, peace, and actually live your life :o)
now, so as that i stay true to my promise of making the entries here a little 'lighter' ;o) i am going to share a couple of recipes i made this weekend :o)
eating healthy makes such a difference in your physical and mental health - there is one more thing you can work on letting go of, eating unhealthy ;o) baby steps :o)
alrighty here we go... i hope you enjoy these recipes...

jerk chicken with veggie rice and steamed veggies
we used (organic) chicken breats and (all natural) drumsticks
i cut the breasts in half
we marinated the chicken in a carribean jerk (i did not have time or ingredients to make my own marinade so i found a gluten free 30 min version at store)
jasmin rice, zucchini, green onion, yellow pepper, olive oil, one egg - 'fried' together with 'dash' of pepper, garlic powder, seasoned salt, and spices (to taste)
steamed broccoli and carrots
VOILA :o)

sausage, bacon and veggie quiche
pie crust (store bought or homemade)
(organic) spinach
(organic) green onion
(organic) red pepper
boulder all natural breakfast sausage (cook meats before putting them into pie crust)
(all natural, no preservative) bacon
6 eggs beat, add some milk (use your judgment)
top with your fave cheese :o)
cook at 350-375 degrees until center passes the 'toothpick test' ;o)
pineapple salsa to top/side 
ENJOY :o)
(due to yummy ingredients we did not add any seasoning, but feel free to do so if you wish :o)

ok and now i must do some form of exercise before being stuck on my computer and phone the rest of the day with this parenting class :oP
until next time,
practice letting go :o)
live, laugh, love!
HAD TO ADD THIS AS IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO NOT ONLY OWN STORIES OF SHAME/SADNESS BUT OF PRIDE/JOY TOO:
i think i forgot to share that i got my report card and i somehow got a 3.75 gpa for the semester and am very happy and proud of myself - yay and pat on the back for me :o)
a-n-d i went for a run today and shaved almost a whole minute off my first mile time when i started running just a little over a month ago - yay and pat on the back for me :o)
i feel so happy, proud, and accomplished and felt the need to share these feelings and own them :o)
thank you for allowing me to share with you!

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