the truck is unloaded

the last load has been moved into our new place and the daunting task of going through everything we have had in storage for the last (almost) 2 years ~ everything is dirty and there are things i do not want, or have broken. there is still so much cleaning to do in the new 'house', and rent & utilities are about to be due... and i need to start working more... oh do not forget that i have been sick for last 3 days...
d-e-e-p breaths
baby steps
prior commitments brought us to steamboat this weekend. while we welcome and love any opportunity to escape and take mini va-k's here, i have so much to do at our new place that the piles of boxes and 'crap' that i still have to unpack and put away are stored in the back of my mind... maybe my friend is right and some of whatever 'this' is that has had me sick is due to stress... even though i am so very excited and happy to be finally doing this move.
soooo i am going to put the stacks of 'worry' aside and concentrate on enjoying my day and night in steamboat - the boxes can be dealt with tomorrow.
i am going to go for a hike... and tak my kiddo for sushi dinner... and hopefully go to the hot springs before heading back 'home' tomorrow. i do not know why i just put quotation around home as it really is our home now... there is no need for the ' ' anymore :o)
ughhhh while a weight has been lifted a new pair of weights called financial and parental responsibilty has replaced the previous. we will find balance... it just may take some time.
once again...
d-e-e-p breaths
baby steps
need to remember to take one thing, one day, one week at a time.
other things needing attention due to being put on the backburner with moving are my businesses, my work for the family business (though i have been pretty effective at keeping up with that), reading/working brene browns 'gifts of imperfection', and my paintings.
once again remembering to take deep breaths, baby steps - acknowledging it all and accepting the fact it has to wait has been key to not judging myself... though the judgments seem to be creeping in more and more... probably due to being mentally and physically exhausted. i probably should make most of today and seriously put those worries on the backburner - think my body and mind could really use the break... as well with being so tired and feeling so sick, thoughts of 'i am so fat' are rampant... and with that i just realized something else that has been on the back of my mind... the threats my ex made against me (and everyone i know) when he cut all ties. i still fear him only because i have seen and known him to follow through on past threats with others... one more thing i need to acknowledge & accept the crap out of... for some reason knowing people are here to look out for us is not calming any longer... maybe this too is due to exhaustion... another reason to use today wisely and not let my mind have control ;o)
no one said life was easy
only said the fight was worth it ;o)
i cannot wait to be settled and hopefully start sharing more upbeat stories rather than my tales of struggle - i hope though i put enough positive spins in that i do not bum you all out too much and you actually take something from my blog entries... when tired and in a tailspin of self doubt i sometimes wonder... we all have our days ;o)
well i am going to get off this computer and enjoy my day - put these worries aside and make the most of the time away from the chaos ;o)

live, laugh, love!


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