been a hot minute (part 3)

i have so many random thoughts in my head right now, this post is going to be where i get them out ;o)

where to begin...
being (non) judgmental
i have found that people are confused about what all encompasses the word/action, judgmental.
to be judgmental is to state opinion as fact.
acknowledge the harmful, the unwholesome, but don't judge it.
for example: she is a bad parent. (judgment)
in my opinion i feel she is a bad parent because... (opinion)

as well, what most do not realize, is that you can (appear/seem to) be judgmental via tone of voice, body language, the way your word "things", actions, etc.
another example: when discussing a topic with someone and making comments directed at their circumstances such as, "bully for you", "big deal", "you're over reacting", etc. (judgmental)
rather, show empathy & compassion and try to understand where the person you are talking to is coming from.
remember, to be judgmental of others means you are projecting your own self judgments/unhappiness on them.
i would love for all of you to read up on mindfulness and being non-judgmental. i find it very hard to effectively explain to people... i understand it, but to explain (via type) i find difficult.
my favorite online resource is http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html - please check it out! (my secret to finding specific topics on this site is via their about site link, and then click "site map".) here is a direct link to information on being non-judgmental - http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/non-judgmental_stance.html

 
 
next thought on my mind...
parents who make excuses for not offering what is the healthiest option... bothers me.
the last couple of months, i am guilty of allowing my son and myself to eat things that we normally would not eat (and yes i am mad at myself for allowing this). things that we know effect our physical and mental health. this is another matter i am working on. getting us back to what we know is most effective for us all around - food, exercise, balance, etc.
attached to this thought are parents who (when having a birthday party, get together, or something similar), only think of themselves/their family in regards to food. so many kids/adults have food allergies, snesitivities/intolerances, and unfortunately, conditions such as diabetes.
when we have parties we think of all coming as our guests are just that - guests. i believe i have this thought process due to the fact my son and i have gluten and dairy intolerances, my mum and friends daughter have diabetes, and we have friends who are vegetarian - so we are very aware. when ever possible we make allergy, diabetic, and vegetarian friendly foods and treats for our parties/get togethers. in my opinion, it would be selfish to not think of our guests and their dietary needs. when we go to friends parties they always ask us what they can make for us that is gluten (and dairy) free. it is out of consideration... and the way i was raised.
 
 
 


and last but not least, depression.
i have realized that since last fall i have been slowly becoming more and more depressed. i know this is probably why i have made the ineffective choices i have in the last six months or so. even though mindful of the progression, i wasnt fully aware due to not wanting to admit it to myself. not wanting to have to admit that i had fallen back into patterns and routines that i know to be unhealthy. i can not ignore these issues any longer. admitting to the depression is the only way to start working towards true happiness once again. knowing how hard this fight will be is probably one of the reasons i did not want to admit there was a problem... as well as having to admit to myself that i had... failed. or at least, i feel like i have failed.
why do i feel like i have failed? i feel like i have failed myself and all the work i put in over the previous 2 years (towards mental health). i feel like i have failed my son as due to my choices we have struggled financially for six months now. i feel like i have failed my therapist as she "released" me believing she had set me up for success (which she had). i feel like i have failed my parents as they were so proud of my progress and are now so very worried about me... i could go on, but i believe you can now understand why the feeling of failure is floating around my brain.
i must acknowledge what is, accept what is, and then let go and move on.
 
would/do you know the symptoms of depression?
if you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
  • you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
  • you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
  • you feel hopeless and helpless
  • you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
  • you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
  • you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
  • you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
  • you have thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case)

Common signs and symptoms of depression (from helpguide.org)

  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
If you believe you are experiencing depression PLEASE reach out and get yourself help today!
If you are feeling suicidal, PLEASE call 1-800-273-TALK now!
 
 
and with that i shall end here...
until next time folks,
live, laugh, love!


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