Upside down

Sooo my life was turned upside down yesterday. Yet once again. Ugh

The end result was my doing, but the situation that forced my decision to get there was the fault of a few individuals. Ask them and it is all my fault - Cause you know if there is someone with bipolar disorder involved, it's all their & their moods fault. <cough, BS>

Here is a little story for #wednesdaywisdom and #wellnesswednesday (think this would also apply to #transformationtuesday).

In general, it is hard to set me off.
When you are a part of my daily life, and there are things you do to upset/hurt me, I will address things "nicely" for a time, but if nothing changes, I will eventually "snap". (Like most. Though I do react very emotionally. What can I say? I am passionate ;o)

When I "snap" everyone always blames my bipolar diagnosis and my moods/anger. It never has anything to do with things the other party(s) has done and/or said.

Well, the straw broke the camels back yesterday and I decided to move my son & I out of my parents house. I cannot put my son & I through the bickering/arguing/fighting that is my parents house a second time. Mentally and emotionally I do not have it in me, and I cannot afford to let a toxic situation bring my son or I down.

So I packed. And as I was waiting for some laundry, my mother decided to call my son's father. She twisted things I had said, and made it seem as though I was having a mental breakdown. (All because I was pissed and sticking up for myself.) Well this PISSED me off!!! This phone call made me really snap! How could she hit below the belt like that?!? She knows his paternal grandmother will use that phone call as a reason to legally get my son's father full custody. I flipped out!!! Wouldn't any mother who now fears the worst - her child being taken from her - freak out?!?

This is the story of why my life is once again, Upside Down.

I said some things I definitely regret now. But I know in my heart I did the right thing moving us out... even if I don't know what we are going to do from here.

Some of my thoughts during and after the almost 4 hour drive to my besties last night...
My son is with his father for another week (spring break). I plan to talk to his father and make sure he knows what actually happened, and in turn hope that my son's father is not given full custody.
As well, I will look for a place for us. I have the money we raised for my medical bills, and hopefully my tax refund (if it doesn't get garnished by collectors), that I can use to put a roof over our heads.
I can apply for temporary assistance.
And fingers crossed - a paint & fine art store is hiring in the town where my son goes to school, as well as other places - I pick up a new job asap!

Other thoughts since...
I did react emotionally yesterday. Things didn't have to go the direction they went (IF I hadn't stood up for myself). But as I said, in my heart I believe this was the healthiest decision. Even if it means walking away from my parents, starting over again, and my son & I making sacrifices for a bit.

And with that...
(Deep breath in... Exhale...)
This is the end of the story for now.
Some times the hardest decisions are the most effective.
Until next time,
Live. Laugh. Love.

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