The Basi(c)s of Happiness Comes From Within, Period.

There is a fine line between your happiness and the happiness of others...
Do you know this line?

It hurts my heart every time I see someone whom lacks self love and/or is co-dependent. They move from relationship to relationship, (place to place, situation to situation, material item to material item,) and think as long as those around them are happy so can they be as that is the only way they know how to find some form happiness. I say some form as it is not true happiness. It is actually a sad and very vicious cycle. A cycle that we can only break ourselves.

What We Put Out Into The World Comes Back To Us.
Over the years I have noticed that my attitude and mindset directly effects what surrounds me in the world. The most effective way for me to put this is;
Negativity Begets Negativity
Positivity Begets Positivity
This goes for everything, including our attitudes about ourselves (love & happiness).

Selfish Happiness.
When our happiness is dependent on others, we are the epitome of selfish.
Deep breath. Don't get defensive and mad.
Hanging our happiness on others IS selfish no matter the variety OR your opinion.
A blog (( I read put it very effectively (in my opinion):
"Selfish Happiness... By hanging your happiness on others in this way, you basically sign yourself up to a roller coaster of emotions as you ride the moods of people around you."
And the people in your life land up getting to enjoy your roller coaster ride with you. And trust me, they do not enjoy the ride lol
Have you experienced this roller coaster ride before?
I know I used to all of the time, and still do when not mindful & am lacking self love.
Note: When I talk to you about these topics I come from a place of personal experience as well as research/proven science, or the like. I know sometimes my wording can seem very preachy/know-it-all. I do not mean for this... tact is not my strength ;-) 
I guess if I had to put what is wrong with "Selfish Happiness" into words it would go like this...

Happiness based on someone else is not true happiness. 
True happiness comes from within us. We should not shoulder our lack of self love on others. For real happiness, and in turn love, we must learn self acceptance, love & respect. Learn to live Wholeheartedly. Without this we will never honestly know what true happiness is. As well, it is not fair to burden others with our lack of self love; it is mentally & emotionally exhausting for those closest to us, and if we want those around us to be truly happy, the above process defeats this.

Your thoughts?

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
- Martha Washington

Let me end this (section of the) post with this thought...
I am almost 35 and am still learning Self Acceptance, Love, and Respect. It is a process. It is not easy. BUT it is so very worth it!!! As someone with Bipolar 1, among other mental & physical diagnosis, my Journey of Total Health (see previous blog entries) is going to be a lifelong one - as it should be! The longer my journey goes on, the more mindful/aware I am of my emotional, mental, and physical being. The more mindful/aware I am of the people in my life. The more mindful/aware I am of what is all around me... it is like having daily epiphany's. And man is it amazing! Mind blowing! :-) Seriously though, taking the Journey of Self Acceptance, Love, and Respect is Life Changing!!! Total Game Changers!!! Myself and millions of others are proof positive :-) annnnd psychology has proven the need for Self Love, Acceptance, and Respect in regards to Happiness so there is no point debating it ;-) lol

"Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass." - Dell Crossword Puzzles

Until next time friends,
Live. Laugh. Love. :-) <3

"All the happiness you ever find lies in you." Anonymous 

"Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and not a stagnant pool." Anonymous

Dr Martin E.P. Seligman, a proponent of positive psychology, has identified three types of happiness:

Pleasant life

A pleasant life consists of having as much pleasure as you can, as many of the positive emotions, and learning some of the dozen or so techniques that actually work for increasing the duration and intensity of your pleasures. There are shortcuts to the pleasures. You can go shopping; you can watch television; you can take drugs. These things do not lead to true happiness.

Engaged life

An engaged life is being one with the music, being totally wrapped up in the people you love or what you're hearing. There are no shortcuts to the engaged life. The engaged life can only be had by first knowing what your highest strengths are, your signature strengths, and re-crafting your life to use them at work, in love, in leisure, in parenting and in friendship.

Meaningful life

A meaningful life consists of again knowing what your highest strengths and talents are and using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are.

Hugh Heffner was wrong. The pursuit of pleasure makes almost no contribution at all to a satisfying life. It is the pursuit of meaning and the pursuit of engagement.

Life satisfaction is not a function of pleasure, it is a function of engagement and meaning. Longevity and morbidity is surprisingly a function of the positive variables as opposed to the negative variables.

"Happiness is acceptance." Anonymous 

...According to the Bhagavad Gita, there are three types of happiness. Lord Krishna teaches of happiness and spontaneous bliss through the gunas. The gunas are the three components of existence. They include tamas- impurity, lethargy, darkness; rajas- action, passion; sattva-  calm, intelligence, purity, light. Every individual is a mixture of all three gunas but the one with which we are most attached to permeates and we associate as that type of person.  The gunas help to illuminate the understanding of happiness.  The three types of happiness are:
Tamasic happiness is based in deluding oneself. This delusion comes from ignorance, negligence and indolence. Take for example, bad-mouthing or gossiping. We delude ourselves into thinking it is okay to speak ill of another persons actions, especially if they go against our beliefs, but then we cause that person harm by smearing their name, essentially inflicting more pain and suffering. Maybe we do this over coffee with our friends and derive a certain joy from thinking we are somehow better than this person. This type of low interaction may even lead the friend we are gossiping with down a dark path too, spreading our toxicity even further.Other forms of tamasic happiness include sarcasm; scandal; stealing; damaging another’s’ reputation, work or belongings; and insults. The list could go on. It could even include eating unnatural food instead of taking pleasure in pure healthy nourishment. It is the lowest form of happiness. Ultimately it is joy gained from pain and destruction.  True bliss could never come from such selfishness, but most of us are not even aware of when we are operating at this place.
Rajasic happiness is a bit more unclear to the inexperienced bliss seeker.  Most of us spend the majority of our time searching out and then recovering from rajasic happiness.  Based in attachment, passion, and action, rajasic happiness always leads to some form of disappointment.We fall in love with someone, but then they leave us for another.  We find our dream home, but then realize our neighbours ride dirt bikes at all hours of the day.  We eat healthy and exercise but still don’t seem to lose the extra weight. Years of being a good person, don’t seem to pay off. There are so many examples of this type of happiness/disappointment cycle, we begin to doubt that happiness even exists, because there is so much suffering. We become jaded, cynical and guarded. If we are continually placing conditions on our happiness- ‘if he just calls,’ ‘if I get the job,’ ‘when I have some free time,’ -then how can we call it true happiness? Won’t we always carry the potential to be disappointed?
Sattvic happiness is the purest form of joy. The perceived impossibilities, pain and sacrifice make it seem unattainable though.Sattvic happiness is derived from the joy we experience in the moments when we can disassociate from the delusions and dictates of the mind. Sattvic happiness comes from perseverance and acceptance. There is no expectation, no disappointments, and no blame. One invites an attitude of not minding what happens.Our lover is unfaithful and leaves us and we forgive them and continue to send love. We fall ill and remain healthy in spirit. We lose our job and remain grateful. At first when we stop eating sugar, we crave it; nothing is sweet enough. Eventually the simple carrot is sweet and cakes taste bitter.  Sattvic happiness requires discipline and trust.At times it may seem that you are depriving yourself, like the process of balancing blood-sugar levels. I like to call this new process balancing the love-sugar levels. Eventually we begin to cultivate a renewable source of love and joy.

Happiness is a choice; you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and choose to be Happy after you have acknowledged & accepted what happened.


Popular posts from this blog

PLEASE do not give up!!!

Self Respect

Anger Management