PLEASE do not give up!!!

This post is in honor of an amazing individual that the world lost this past weekend.

PLEASE do not give up!!!

I do not want to preach about why one should keep fighting. Rather I will share my story...

In my almost 35 years I have been through hell and back. To be completely honest, I can only say I am lucky (and thankful) to be alive.

To try and make a novel into a short story, things started when I was a child.
Already introverted, shy, the kid who was picked on, etc, etc, my neighbors older brother decided teaching me how mommy's & daddy's make babies would be a good idea. This was the beginning of my downward spiral. Add hormones in at puberty and POOF you have the perfect storm.
I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 with suicidal, psychotic, and OCD tendancies by the time I was 15. I was also concurrently diagnosed with PTSD, Social & Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Anorexia/Bulimia.
(I have since dropped the suicidal & psychotic tendancies, as well as the eating disorders, and have almost worked through my anxiety and PTSD. As well I have been a fairly (had a set back due to falling into ineffective old habits and an event I didnt cope with effectively, BUT have bounced back from already!) stable, non-medicated patient for over 4 years now. Trying to help & teach people as I work through my process and learn/grow.)
My family went through literal hell from the time I was around 11 until I was 17.
Drugs. Run aways. Arrests. Suicide Attempts... the gauntlet.
The hell didn't stop there though, it just became more like... pergatory.
Things calmed down a bit between the ages of 20 and 22...
Then I had another downward spiral until I was around 23 and found out I was pregnant.
I had my son when I was 24.
During and after my pregnancy my moods changed. I went from someone who generally was in more of depressed state, and went up from there, to someone who's normal is hypo mania, and goes either up or down from hypo.
Fun times!!! Let me tell you! :-P ;-)
I landed up with a mentally & physically abusive guy for over 5 years. And so did my poor kiddo.
During this time I became suicidal again... convinced by the man I was in love with that I was useless, broken, unwanted, a bad mother, and so on.
While horrible, this/there was a turning point for me, and in turn us.
I am happy to say that for 5+ years now I have been working on self acceptance, love, and respect. I have learned to be non-judgmental and mindful. I have learned that what I put out there is exactly what I will get back. And I have learned that while it may take a fuck ton of work (excuse my french), figuring out your happiness is so fucking worth it!!!!!!!!

I saw the looks on the faces of my loved ones all the times they thought they were going to loose me... and that was only thinking they would... and I have now also seen the happiness & pride in their faces for where I am now at in my life and journey...


The battle is worth it in the end ♡♡♡
Living proof right here :-) ;-)

If you ever need someone to help you, please just ask!!!
(As well, check out the online (mental) health community on Facebook; A Sad Soul Will Kill You Quicker Than A Germ)

Until next time friends,
Live. Laugh. Love. ♡


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