A response to, "Excuse Me While I Lather My Child In This Toxic Death Cream"

Because I know many out there have not read the article I am "responding" to, I am going to share it here and add my 2 cents in (lol you know me and my opinion). The original article will be in italic font, while my comments will be in regular font.

Here we go....

It’s Memorial Day weekend. We are up at the cabin with family. A time where we are supposed to be resting and relaxing. A time of thankfulness. A time of remembering those who have given their lives for our freedom.
My husband has been working overtime and doing freelance work so we’ve been looking forward to this trip for weeks. We even bought our twin 2-year-olds their first fishing poles and planned a treasure hunt.
And then there’s me.
A massive ball of, “just take me to the sanitarium.”
I mean, one of my boys just looked at me and said, “Mama’s tired.” Yes. Yes, Bennett. Mama is tired. Mama is reeeaaal tired. I do my best to keep my emotional issues from my boys but they are getting older and more perceptive and there is only so much “fake it ‘til ya make it” I can get away with. And I am realizing that you don’t just have to have a mental illness like I do for this to be an issue. This world will make you crazy if you aren’t there already.
I am dead serious.
We are all just out there slogging it out. Doing our best to raise our kids. To keep them safe. To protect them from the big bad world.

Damn right, lady! As someone with Bipolar 1 Disorder, PTSD, and Anxiety Disorders, as well as numerous Physical Diagnosis (including multiple chronic pain conditions), every day is a struggle. Every day we put on a smile and work our way through the day. And I so get the kiddos and perception; my son is now 12, and though he has been very aware of my "issues" for many years, he is becoming even more aware, and even more perceptive (in regards to how I am feeling, and the like).  As well I completely agree that it does not require a mental and/or physical diagnosis to make life a struggle - life is not easy, in general. That is life. You have to work at it.
We ARE all just out there slogging it out. Kids, or not kids.

But what happens when the world tells you that you are the problem? That you’re not being careful enough. Aware enough. Diligent enough. 

I do not hear anyone telling me that I am the problem. I hear people saying companies producing toxic products are a problem. I hear that lack of knowledge is a problem, and that is why organizations (and companies like Pure Haven Essentials) are trying to educate consumers. I hear that knowledge is power, and that when we know better, we can do better. ...But I do not hear anyone specifically saying I am the problem. I do not hear anyone trying to guilt me.
That was my biggest fear coming into motherhood. In fact, for a majority of my life I was adamant that I was not going to have children. I didn’t think, given my own childhood and my issues with anxiety and depression, that I would be fit for the job. And I think the current cultural climate does not help. Too many rules. And honestly, by these standards, no one is fit.

You are not alone in your fears, thoughts, and contemplations. But I do not agree with your comment about cultural climate and "too many rules". What do you even mean by that? ....
The night before we left I read an article about a study that had been done about the worst types of sunscreen to use on children and adults. Sure enough, the stuff I just bought a while back was number one and number two. Of course. Of course it is. Do I throw it out and waste the $30, which is no small sum for us? Then go out and buy the good stuff, the lotion made by tiny fairy angels who infuse it with love and eternal life, for the low low price of my left ovary? And, by the by, it’s only available in California, because that’s where the fairy angels live. Or do I go ahead and lather my children up in this toxic death cream because I obviously, according to this article, don’t care about them?
I hate life.

1) The only thing you saw when you read this article was that your products were on the list, and then negativity... want to know why you do not want to use most sunscreens? They have carcinogens and endocrine disruptors in them, never mind the other toxic ingredients. Plus, if they are harmful to humans whom use them, what do you think they do to the environment when being manufactured? Or how about the employees exposed during manufacturing? There is a much larger picture here.
2) No one said to throw out the product you have currently. When I talk to people I tell them to use up what they have, and then make the switch to non toxic when they need more. Not many of us can afford to throw out what we have, never mind that is extremely wasteful.
3) The "Tiny Fairies" are all over the country, not just in California. EWG.org has a list of sunscreens that are safe(r).
My opinion: This type of attitude is an example of what is wrong with society.
(Side Info: Pure Haven Essentials is in the process of getting FDA approval to manufacture sunscreen; it is considered an OTC drug.)
4) No one said, or implied, you do not care for your children. All organizations and companies that are for Non Toxic Products are trying to do is educate and supply information, resources, and similar. (Though some are very ineffective in how they word things.)  If anyone is guilting you, it is probably you. I know I am an expert at guilting myself lol 9 times out of 10, if I feel guilty, it is because of my own defensiveness; not that someone was actually trying to make me feel guilty.
5) Don't hate life. Learn to embrace it for all the crap & joy that it is ;-)

I am tired, people. And it’s not just because my husband is working a lot. Or because I have twin toddlers that only function at 0% or 120%. They live on what I like to call, Captain Me Planet. There is zero visibility and they are flying at 100 mph anyways. No big deal. I got this.
Please don’t call CPS.
I am just sick and tired of all the rules. Rules about food. Rules about hygiene. Rules about clothing. Rules about schooling/education. Rules about development. Rules about medication. Rules about sleep methods/co-sleeping. Rules about playtime. Rules about friends. Rules about car seats. Rules about breastfeeding. Rules about child-wearing. Rules about television. Rules about the rules.
And you can exchange other words for rules. Opinions. Lessons. Studies. Guidelines. Lists. Programs. Beliefs. Standards. Policies. Ad nauseam.
I’ve had it. Please, and I mean this from the bottom of my overly exhausted heart, take your scientific pie chart and shove it.

Some rules have to be followed - unless you want to go to jail, have an epidemic, or something else terrible.
Some rules need to be followed - for your own safety, health, and similar.
And some rules are not rules - as you mentioned. Guidelines, Opinions, Lists, Beliefs, Programs and similar are for you to look at and decide if they will or will not work for you. What works for you, may not work for me. And vice versa.
Buuuut, Studies, Policies, Standards, and the like are not to be ignored. They are to be researched. And in most cases, once you are armed with the information you need to make an informed decision, the choice is up to you.
Last but not least, I will not shove my studies. I will continue sharing them, trying to educate people in hopes they will make the "right" choice. But in the end, the choice is up to you. I may not agree, but I will (do my best to) not judge you. To each their own... unless it is going to negatively effect us all. Humans, sadly, are very selfish beings.

I never realized in all the years of my anxiety and worrying about having kids, that maybe I would not be the problem after all. That loving my boys and doing my best to just provide for them with the resources that are available to me, without losing my mind or breaking the bank, was what a responsible parent looks like.

A MEN, sister!

That being bi-polar or on medication is not what would keep me up at night. Instead I’m awake wondering if I washed the boys’ new clothes we just bought before they wore them today because I read an article about them having toxic chemicals in them that are bad for their skin.

That IS something to worry about! But not to the point that you keep yourself awake. We all need to work on dealing with our anxieties, and in turn ruminations - or we land up feeling the way you speak of. Going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has helped me with this. I highly suggest it to all - not just those with mental illness. Learn to change what you can, and acknowledge & accept what is.
Can we just go ahead and say that everything everywhere is trying to kill us? Always? And just get it over with? Move on? We’re all gonna die someday anyhow. This has gotten out of hand.
Instead, I want to feed my children one meal. Just one meal, and not have that little voice in the back of my head gnawing at me about whether or not what they are ingesting is possibly the feast of Satan. I just don’t know it yet because I haven’t had the time in my super flexible schedule to research all the ingredients on the packaging.

Now you sound paranoid ;-)
We are going to die someday, somehow. But does that mean we have to contribute to that fact(or)? Speed it up? Especially when we know ways to be healthier?
In my opinion, your comments are out of hand haha
1) Health (human & environmental) is something to think about, care about, and do something about.
2) If one has issues with "that little voice in the back of their head gnawing at (them) about whether or not what they are ingesting is possibly the feast of Satan", that is on them. That is your guilt for not feeding your children what you think/feel they should be eating. That is your own guilt over knowing what you are feeding them is not as healthy as you think/feel it should be. Solution? Either accept the fact that is what they are eating, or change what you feed your kids. Simple.
3) Do not have time to read an ingredient label and recognize ingredients you know are not healthy? ...I will not even comment.
I am a single mother. Self employed. Helping start up two businesses for other people, help another business with all of their online work - I could go on. Bipolar. Anxiety Disorders. PTSD. Chronic Pain. etc etc etc But I still find time to read ingredient labels and make sure we are eating as healthy as we possibly can. Do I judge myself if we do not eat as healthy as I like? No. I get upset with myself, but I accept that the situation is what it is, and I let go of the negative feelings/emotions. Always with a promise to try and do better, as well as acknowledging that I may falter again.
4) We are all busy. We all need more time in the day, but that is no reason to not eat as healthy as you can.
(Please remember my comments are generalized comments based on original article comments.)

I am not saying being pro-active is wrong. I am not saying caring about these issues is wrong. I am not saying having a voice is wrong. Do what you can. When you can. I know I do. For all you mamas knocking it out of the park with this stuff, right on. You have my utmost respect. Truly. You are to be commended.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m just tired. Tired of it all. I look at my boys when I put them to bed every night and they are the sweetest, happiest, healthiest people that I have ever met. So far, they are the best thing I have ever done. This is the one thing in my life that I know that I’m getting right. Whether the latest mommy trends agree or not. And sometimes I wish I lived in a time where I wasn’t inundated with these daily articles.

CONGRATULATIONS! You should be proud!
My 2 cents: Ignore the trends, and ignore the inundation of daily articles. It is a choice to read them. And it is a choice to let them get to you.
My father and stepmother run an after care facility for trafficked children in Thailand. Two weeks ago they took in a 3-year-old. I repeat, a 3-year-old. She has never spoken and is completely malnourished. Only God knows what she has seen, endured. Meanwhile, we here in the west are getting bent out of shape about what time we put our kids to bed.

So that’s it. Post all the scathing articles. Share the latest revelations. I’ll pass for now. Life is hard enough. I’m going to live and soak in each moment with my boys instead. When I see, “10 Things You Had No Idea Were In The Air You Are Breathing Right Now,” or, “Did You Know That Opening Your Eyeballs Can Be Fatal?” I am going to shut my computer and go to sleep. And dream about our next camping trip. Or hiking adventure. Because I’m tired. Really, really, tired. And I’m more interested in living each day with my children than dying with them.
Thank you and good night.

I am with you, woman!!! But, unlike you, I will continue reading the latest research, studies, and articles. I will continue to try and weed through the BS and truth. I will continue to try and educate the masses so they can in turn be more informed consumers, and maybe care for themselves better, and in turn be healthier. I want to help others, and I want to help our planet.
So I will go to bed, dreaming about our next hike, our next camping trip, our next garden project, my dog, my son, my boyfriend, and so on. And I will continue to revel in each and every day. I too am more interested in the living, and in living. But I also care about the bigger picture. And because there are people like you, there has to be people like me.

Thank YOU and good night ;-)

(Until next time,
Live. Laugh. Love.)


  1. Wow.... I totally agree with you Sam! When you know better you can make better choices... never stop learning, never stop changing and never STOP doing better for you and your family as you are able to.


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