Happy & Healthy New Year: Part 3

(For those who do not follow my blog: when I refer to “my parts”, I am referring to my dissociative parts – I have Dissociative Disorder. Some background: I am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Chronic G.I. Pain & Nausea (among other symptoms), Chronic Headaches & Migraines – and the list goes on. I am a 38 yr old single mother of an awesome, smart, almost-teenage boy that has Inattentive ADHD, Dyslexia, and Chronic G.I. Pain.)

Another month has flown by me. I keep wondering where does the time go?
Often, I get distracted and/or hyper-focused on a project, and next thing I know a whole day is gone.
This month I plan to work on being more mindful and present so as not to stray too far off my daily to-do’s.
As for the last month in regards to health (goals), things have been a bit of a roller coaster ride.
A sort of a re-cap of my February (moods): When the month began I was still struggling with depression symptoms. Within a week I noticed an uptake in my mood & energy, as well, my irritability kicked back in, and my sleep became more restless. Hypomania.
From there I quickly swung into full mania. Looking back, it felt like I was the Easter Bunny on speed, trying to peel of my soft, fluffy fur, while attempting to conquer the world one Easter egg at a time – pretty sure anyone who came into contact with me during that time thought the same of me (as I felt). Or I may have made them feel like a bunny on speed lol
After seeing my bestie and listening to her concerns about her daughter, I decided it would be a great idea to sit down a write a book about the subject matter we discussed. Yep, a book. FYI, this is not the first time I have done this. I have many unfinished literary masterpieces (…lol). At the same time, I was also finally getting the art piece on my living room wall completed (well, mostly; enough to put the living room back together, ha ha. Just have some finishing-touches. An artist is never happy with their work). I tackled at-home projects that had not crossed my mind before, and did not realize what I was engulphed in until I had already completed the project, and lost a day. Oh, and another smart move on my part? I got wrapped up in all the shenanigans going on politically, and landed up even more activated.
And then came the drop off two days ago.
The last couple of days, to be around me has been like standing at the base of a volcano spewing fiery, scalding emotion; crying, frustration, yelling. And to top things off, I have felt like I am the tin man in desperate need of WD40, all the while a TRex is hungrily tearing apart my insides… fun stuff! (lol and that’s just for starters.) And then last night, my grudgingly-accepted monthly friend began.
(Side Info: My mood swings cycle with my menstrual cycle. As well, environmental factors can trigger and activate me, among other things like, sleep, diet, seasonal changes, and stress. Many things can cause my moods to swing.)
So, my Mental Health the last month? Meh, I could have been better. I could have been more effective by doing things I know would have helped with the roller coaster symptoms, but live & learn. (But, let us loose the could have’s and should have’s.) I probably would be beating myself up right now, but my therapist and psychiatrist told me last week they are astonished and excited about my progress over the last 6 months (even with the psychiatric intake at the end of November). I think we can all agree that it would be nice to have foresight, but we do not. I focus on the fact that (thankfully) I am aware of the changes within me, and do my best to help and support myself (mentally & physically). As well, I acknowledge where I went wrong and try not to repeat. If I am a repeat offender I try not to beat myself up. Rather remind myself I am human, ‘hit the reset button’, and try again.
(Over the 6-12 months) My physical health has suffered not only because of my physical conditions, but also due to my mental health. I realized how much I have let myself go when my boyfriend took me on a (normally easy) hike the other day and I was in severe pain after only going a ¼ of the way up the trail. This saddened, angered, and frustrated me, but with my boyfriend’s encouragement I pushed myself to get to the top. I told myself I would start working out every day… it has been 2 days, and I have not made a point to exercise yet… trying to not be angry at myself as I have gotten a lot accomplished, just nothing to get my chunky-butt back in shape. To help move towards my goal to exercise and get back into shape, I am trying to reel in my hypo-manic brain and get it to prioritize improving my physical health. Problem I am running into; the bits and pieces in my cranium can’t seem to agree on anything right now, so I land up like an ADHD dog chasing its own tail. When I (finally) realize that I am chasing my own tail, I compassionately (sometimes with a tone of frustration and impatience… I am human) ask the parts in my head to please focus and accomplish what we need to do – not what they want to do, or decide to prioritize – so we can all work together and accomplish goals. …It has been a tug of war up there lately.

Positive steps I took/things I did this month?
Still checking off my daily to-do list (dry erase board)
Drinking 64+ ounces of water a day
Working towards business goals (the sam-e boutique is back on Etsy!)
Went for a hike! (Did not make excuse to do chores rather than get the heck out of the house!)
(Before my dog had his surgery) Started walking my dog to get the mail
Avoiding junk food (until PMS munchies kicked in lol but even still, trying to limit… problem is one of my parts like to eat while I am asleep (more so the week before and during my period), so I wake up shoving food in my face… a problem my therapist and I are going to work on.)
Music/Singing, Hobbies, Cooking and Chores to help reel my brain in
Started doing Yoga again
Getting to sleep before 11 pm
Making bed first thing
Among other effective choices, habits, and the like.
What positive steps did you take this month?
What positive things did you do/try this month?
I think for March I am going to keep my goal list simple:
1) Do my To-Do list EVERY day – do not let parts prioritize list; complete all!
2) Exercise (daily)!!! Snowboard, Just Dance, Walk, Yoga, Hike, PT Exercises - Just Do It!!!
3) Just say No to junk food!!! Grab raisins, applesauce, peaches & pears rather than my boyfriend’s candy and ice cream.
4) Meditate EVERY day!!!
What are your health goals for March?
Until next time,
Live. Laugh. Love.
(p.s. If you can not tell, I am still struggling with mania... Oh, I am a rambling (wo)man lol) 


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